A look into my mind and an entrance to my soul.
“Language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names”
Toni Morrison
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A look into my mind and an understanding of my soul.
04
Green stems, brown bark
Amber hues and fire sparks
How beautiful nature can be
Coming in all shades, hues, and colors
How strong and resilient she is, our mother
Yellow petals, blue skies
It’s arctic reflection shown in our eyes
Red fires, sapphire storms
It need not to be adorned
For its beauty speaks for itself
As you can see often on our shelves
How beautiful nature can be
03
Rain, how gentle you are
The crystal drops you leave amongst my car
Tiny gifts that sparkle like stars
The happiness you bring leaves me drunken
Far more than any bar
Oh, how gentle you are
But how harsh you can be
With the cold that you bring, leaving me to freeze
Low temperatures force me to sneeze
So strong that I no longer feel warmth from my sleeves
How harsh you can be, my rain
Our rain
I hope my words don’t leave you in vain
For your strident and tender traits bring beauty
Beauty that has no choice but to leave a stain
A stain amongst the brains of those who see you
You create the new and recover the broken
Healing what has brittled is your token
Your gift, your power
You heal trees and almost every flower
But even more so, you heal myself
Every time that I hear you
You make me anew
How harsh you can be
But how gentle you are
Rain
02
Love comes in so many shapes and sizes
With baskets full of gifts and prizes
The prize of having someone to love
Whether romantic or not
The gift of having someone who loves you
Loves you enough to endure your pain
Genuine love in no search for gain
Love that brings tranquility to the soul
Love that eradicates the hate you may behold
What a gift that is to the ones who find it
A prize to the ones who deserve it, even if it doesn’t feel deserved
Love comes in so many shapes and sizes
With baskets full of gifts and prizes
But to us all, love is a present
A present meant to be opened and accepted
Greens, ham, potatoes
Aromas from my youth, they’re fleeting
Turkey, mac & cheese, yams
Why doesn’t it smell the same, my favorite meals?
The kitchen table’s empty but all the plates are full
Sweet potato pie, the kind my mother makes
The only thing that’s warm, sweet, savory
Everything else matches the room
Soul food, yet it’s spirit is transparent
I hold onto my mothers pie, It’s all I have left
The kitchen table’s empty but all the plates are full
Greens, ham, potatoes, turkey, mac & cheese, yams
They’re gone
Vanished from my present now seen as nostalgic
All that’s left is my mother’s pie
Sweet potato pie
Wabi-Sabi [wabe – sabe] – A Japanese philosophy and aesthetic that finds value in imperfection.
Growing old has made me realize how much the world thrives off of perfectionism. It’s interesting because perfection is non-existent, yet we as humans work so hard to try to achieve it. A word that was created by an imperfect being is now sought after. I too chase after the idea of being perfect. The perfect skin, the perfect teeth, the perfect body, the perfect hair.
What’s even more interesting is the fact that perfection is often attached to external aesthetics; our appearance. We all have an idea of what a perfect person looks like, but perfection doesn’t always make a person attractive. If we’re tying attractiveness to perfection, that would indicate that a lot of people are perfect; that simply isn’t the case. With the never-ending chase to perfection, I commit to avenues I genuinely don’t need to go down.
A recent example I’ve experienced are my braces. I had a gap, which I held onto until I was seventeen. Constantly throughout school, I was often picked on for my gap; the mocking was normally committed by boys.
The gap wasn’t big at all, it was relatively small but the comments made it expand in my mind. It became an insecurity that I felt I needed to fix in order to conquer it. The gap didn’t prohibit me from eating nor did it affect my speech. It was just there and it was different from the beauty standard of perfectly straight and porcelain teeth. So, I ended up getting braces and just recently have I gotten them off. It’s been a year without my gap and now that I’m able to see my teeth without the blockage of braces, I miss it.
I remember one of my closest friends saying, “Why did you get rid of your gap? It’s what made you, you”. Her comment stuck with me. At first I was mad at the comment; I hated the gap so much that anything against removing it had irritated me. Yet, after some thought I started to wonder if my gap had added some form of uniqueness to my appearance. Did my gap really make me, me? Have I gotten rid of one of my beauty marks that had made me, in a way, special?
I know that amongst other people, my gap allowed me to stand out. I never saw the attention as a good thing due to my extreme insecurities about my appearance. Perhaps, the attention was good. My boyfriend always enjoys saying, “It’s all about your perspective”. I haven’t started resonating with that mindset until recently this year. So, I find myself missing my gap. It not only made me look different from others but it also was a gemstone from my childhood. I’ve always known myself to have a gap, it’s extremely unusual seeing myself without one; I even find it a bit uncanny. With the uncomfortable pain my retainer brings me and the constant grappling of uniqueness amongst myself, I’ve had the feeling of wanting to stop using my retainer and allow my teeth to shift back to their natural position.
All morning I’ve been searching for reasonable validation as to why I should stop using my retainer. Unfortunately, everyone else on the internet seems to hate their past smile and enjoys their new one. Nothing I read placed me into the echo chamber I was hoping to indulge in. Guilt is what’s holding me back from saying “YOLO” and never returning to my retainers. The guilt of money is what I speak of.
My mom has put a lot of money into the perfecting of my smile. The thought of her money going to utter waste doesn’t sit right with me. Yet, the feeling of my retainers also doesn’t sit right with me. After a year of having braces, I wanted to be free from any more ‘correcting’. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that I’d be maintaining the corrections for the rest of my life. My personal insecurities about myself have trapped me into a place I’d rather not be in.
Though, to others, they would complain about my view on my now “perfect” teeth. “Why are you complaining? Your teeth are now straight and white”, is what I would assume most would say. Many yearn for ruler-straight teeth; I did too and I must admit, it still looks very appealing. Even with its aesthetics, I don’t wish to maintain it.
I enjoy the thought of being free in all aspects. One specifically would be, being free to be natural; Allowing my teeth to be the way they are without personal judgement. I no longer want to chase after perfection. I want to admire my imperfections. Frankly, the most interesting and unique individuals are filled with imperfections. It is unfortunate that the word “imperfect” or “imperfections” are so heavily demonized. If they weren’t, I probably wouldn’t have gotten braces in the first place.
I don’t blame the world for my decisions and the changes I have done to myself, nor do I blame myself. At the end of the day, it’s my mindset that will allow me to make the right decisions for myself. Yes, the world can heavily influence my thoughts but it is up to me to consume that influence or to disregard it. Imperfection is a beautiful thing, it is exactly what makes us human; besides the biological aspects of course.
It is understandable why the Japanese philosophy “wabi-sabi” is being showcased on the internet. The world also wishes to get out of the race to perfection. Maybe it’s a universal thought, a universal want. I hope to live to a day where I see imperfection rise to the height of perfection.
I seek imperfection.
The idea of having less makes me feel tranquil. I enjoy looking at photos of rooms that have little to no furniture. Decorations don’t crowd the walls in a bedroom, and there’s only a lamp or two brightening the space. Images like that make me feel good. I’ve tried to dig deep within myself to understand why simplicity brings me a sense of well-being. I’ve come to the realization that spaces that have very little remind me of a blank canvas. There’s no identity attached to a blank canvas. You have the ability to create a new reality every time you enter the room, not physically but emotionally. Empty spaces are clean—there’s very little crowding. It’s like having a clear conscience. The only thing is, it’s difficult to minimize the decoration I have in my living spaces.
I attach emotion to everything that I own, so getting rid of it becomes difficult. I get stuck with clutter flooding the place where I spend most of my time. My bedroom overstimulates me, and I don’t always enjoy staying in it. The same goes for my closet, for my closet is a space I truly hate looking at. That doesn’t mean I’m ungrateful for what I have—I’m extremely grateful. I just have tons of clothes, far too much. I feel guilty for wanting to get rid of some pieces due to my mother and myself putting so much money into my wardrobe.
Though I value bright colors, they can make me irritable. Perhaps it’s the rainbow array of colors that makes my closet overstimulating. It feels like walking into a room covered in rainbows. Positive symbolism can be overpowering when it’s constantly visible. The brightness burns my retinas after so long, just like the sun. Yet, dark and neutral colors sadden me. Imagining a closet full of darkness sounds exhausting to look at. Though that may be admirable to many, having a closet with only black clothing, the thought fills me with misery. I believe that what surrounds me influences my life; so, filling my atmosphere with darkness will only manifest that darkness in my life.
I’m realizing that the things I want are solely for the moment. I believe that I want them but I know that I wouldn’t want them all the time. A less vibrant closet is something I only want for the moment. A fully colorful one is something I admire from afar. An empty room after some time would become too simple for my liking. I would achieve momentary pleasure from a cluttered space. So, how can I know that a want of mine is truly what I desire? Maybe a solution would be to sit on the idea for longer rather than jumping the moment I feel it. Even so, the feeling of change never goes away until it is completed.
The moment the change has been made, I wish to return to what I was or had. Perhaps that is why I overspend so much of my money; a horrible habit I yearn to abolish. I’m unsure of how to stop without holding myself back from material pleasure. For there are many material things that bring me happiness and gratitude. Is happiness long-term? No, but many things in life do not provide long-term happiness. Yet, I shouldn’t place such an intense emotion onto objects that can easily be discarded. I wouldn’t be so attached to my belongings if I didn’t connect them to positive emotions. Unattachment may be the solution after all.
January is depressing. It’s the one month of the year that has nothing exciting happening in it. There’s no holiday to celebrate, and during the entire month, you’re trying to prepare for the year. January is also the coldest month of the year. The sky is always hazy, and it rains more often than it should. Though I’m sure the earth greatly appreciates the showers. Currently, the winds are out of control. They’re so strong, I can feel myself being pulled by them. It’s only my luck that I’ll be swept away like The Wizard of Oz.
I feel the worst in January, which is contradictory to what the month is meant to represent. New beginnings and the start of a new year, yet I feel worn out and tired. The year’s just started, and I’m already exhausted. “New Year, New Me,” everyone says at the beginning of a new year. It’s redundant due to the number of people who fail to complete their resolutions. The idea that we have to change has bum-rushed people to the point where we end up not changing at all. Is change really happening, or are we just saying that it is?
Most of the time, people stay the same. The concept of new beginnings at the start of the new year has always stressed me. It stressed me because I chased after the idea that I needed to change—that I needed to become a different person. So, I end up changing myself, but things would only change on the outside.
I never saw adjustments to my personality or personal being. The only change I ever saw in myself was my clothes, hair, and makeup. Even when I’ve tried to change my personality, my true self always comes through. When I say change my personality, I mean adding more charisma to myself. Trying to have some mystique and sensuality to my being.
I’ve always been told that you can’t fight nature—The same goes for me. I can’t fight against my true self, my childish, corny, and awkward personality. Though that sounds extremely performative, it’s a true statement. I’ve stopped fighting to hide it and instead started to accept it. Yes, I’m a bit corny and tend to laugh at my own jokes. Yes, I can be awkward, especially when taking pictures. Yes, I still enjoy watching the same cartoons that I watched when I was a kid. I replay their episodes, hoping to recollect on simpler times. I’ve learned to accept who I am without embarrassment.
Though I was the only one truly judging myself. I don’t need to search for the new. I don’t need to build a new person, for the person I am has yet to break down. I say, why replace what isn’t broken? I’ll only end up neglecting what I once had in hopes for the new to be better. I don’t feel that it’s worth it.
Perhaps the new year isn’t meant to replace the old with new creations. Instead, care for what you have now and allow it to prosper on its own. Growth rather than instant renewal, that’s a simpler way of saying it.
In January, the earth waters its gardens, nurturing itself so it can grow in the spring. January is blowing away any debris that’s cluttering its floors, similar to the dust I’ve let settle in my mind. This cold month is allowing space for reflection—space to breathe. This is the one month of the year that allows me to feel, to cry, to rest. Three things that I need most—that I hold myself back from.
I’ve changed my mind about January. January is dispassionate. Its weather reflects what I need to release. Its hazy atmosphere shows beauty even when the sun can’t shine. Its lack of holidays illustrates that the mundane is needed. I didn’t realize how much I needed January.
Franz Kafka once said, “I never wish to be easily defined.” Yet, on social media, it feels like the internet is obsessed with putting people into categories. I keep seeing labels like “clean girl,” “alpha male,” “type A man,” “downtown girl,” “performative male,” and a ton more. Some of these titles are incredibly mindless—like “Green Tea Girl.”
Putting people in categories is a way to try to understand a person without getting to know them. It’s easier to judge people and decide whether you want them around when you automatically place them in an “aesthetic. People wish to be different, but continue to create categories of people.
Maybe it’s also because people secretly don’t want to stand out and wish to have a community that they belong to. How can you be different in a group that fits your personality and style? There are so many groups now that, regardless of whether you are following them or not, you fit into one. Uniqueness no longer exists in the context of the internet.
We are in search of being labeled as one thing. This is why, on the internet, shallow and mundane things are being highlighted as categories. We’re taking basic concepts and turning them into something that differentiates us from other people. In reality, we’re placing ourselves into boxes that other people can put themselves in.
Now, we’re stuck as one thing, and it’s holding us back from being unique. Being different can single you out, but being different doesn’t make you unique. This concept has been more prominent in recent years due to social media and trends.
There used to be a time when being different made you unique. It was like spotting a unicorn in a field of horses. Now, it’s more like seeing a donkey in a field of horses. The difference is there, but there are over 50 million donkeys and 60 million horses; There’s nothing unique about it.
Returning to Franz Kafka’s quote, he, too, is placed into “aesthetic” categories. An author who wishes not be defined is being used to define others. The fact that I will be defined and categorized even when I don’t want to be is bewildering. Humans are too complex to be labeled as something as mindless as “horse girl”.
To place a person’s nuanced personality into a stereotype strips their individuality. We’re lessening ourselves by trying to make ourselves feel like we’re more and or important. Being differential shouldn’t be sought because it only leads to replication. Uniqueness stems from authenticity. How can we truly know if someone is being authentic if we don’t know them? So, I bring another question: In a society that categorizes people, can uniqueness be found?
Labubus are figurines that the internet has been obsessed with recently. In every video, there’s a tiny rabbit, a baby-shaped toy, attached to someone’s purse, on someone’s shelf, or being unboxed in a video. The toy has even reached mainstream celebrities. Cardi B posted a decorated Labubu Christmas tree on her Instagram story for her daughter, Kulture.
While it’s understandable why the toy is popular amongst children, it doesn’t explain why adults are ecstatic over getting a toy. The new mainstream content, like Labubus, is a prime example of how social media is leading us into overconsumption.
Labubus come in boxes that are called “blind boxes”. When buying the toy, you have no idea which Labubu you’re getting. The excitement of not knowing ties into the “need” to buy more. The disappointment of not getting the Labubu wanted also leads to buying more.
This isn’t just seen with Labubus. There are a ton of different brands of figurines that do the same thing. Some examples would be Sony Angels, Hirono Figurines, Smiski, and Miffy. Each box ranges above $10, sometimes hitting closer to $30.
It is understandable why Labubus and their competitors are admired by the internet. They’re cute and appealing to many as decorations and or accessories. I myself have considered buying a box or two due to their cute-appeal. It’s not only exciting to see what toy you’ll get, but it also can be fun to collect them. Along with their appearance, their pricey-prices are appealing as well.
Though many online shoppers strive for lower-priced items, they admire what they can’t afford. The idea of having an item that isn’t cheap fuels us with excitement. We feel as though we’ve gained status in society because we have the money to afford what the wealthy buy. Having the money to buy a lot of wants is a flex, especially in a world where our needs are rising in price. Our spending habits all tie back to the world’s social hierarchy.
Some may claim that the trinkets aren’t extremely costly. To that statement, I say for the size and quantity of the item, they are. A box for Labubus are often $19.99 and can range to hundreds depending on the amount and size of the blind box you’re buying. Buying two boxes equates to $39.98 for two figurines. Pop Mart, the company that sells Labubus and many other trinkets, allows the consumer to buy a particular series of ten Labubus for $209.90. These figures are two inches tall and four inches wide; pretty small figurines. The amount of money put into these toys is wasteful, especially for their size, quality, and quantity.
It’s completely fine to splurge a little on wants. Buying a decoration for yourself here and there is fine. Yet, when the narrative starts to shift into putting your wants before your needs, that’s when things become toxic. Spending large sums of money on items that can’t be used, aren’t very big and will soon vanish due to trends fluctuating, isn’t smart and is uneconomical; especially for adults who have larger responsibilities. We’re buying unnecessary items simply because they’re trending; even more so because celebrities and influencers are buying them.
Overconsumption is taking over and promoting putting our wants before our needs. Labubus are just one of the many items that we overspend on. The items simply give us instant gratification for a day, and it fades by the next, leading us onto a conveyor belt of never-ending purchases. It is far deeper than instant gratification.
Sometimes I find it difficult to write. Mainly because I always force myself to think psychologically and write down my thoughts like a poet. It’s fun, don’t get me wrong, but it becomes exhausting after some time.
I’m always forcing myself to be poetic and analytical. Unfortunately, I’m not a philosopher, nor am I a poet. Sometimes I enjoy simply writing about my day or what I’ve seen. The only thing that stops me is the fear of going unnoticed.
I dream of being a writer—there’s nothing else I’d rather do. To be a writer, doesn’t your work have to be seen? To be seen, doesn’t your work have to be interesting? I find myself questioning everything that I write. I’m always wondering if it’s intriguing enough to be read.
I become frustrated with myself when I can’t create a constant stream of masterpieces. Then I’ll go months without writing because I’ve lost my creativity; many call this feeling a ‘burnout’. I’m very familiar with burnouts.
I don’t want to force myself to be creative. Is it really creativity if it doesn’t come naturally? I’m an artist, a writer. My art should come to me freely, not in chains. I wish to allow myself more freedom, time and space to stretch my wings.
Art is art regardless of its nuance. What one person may find boring, the other may find interesting. So, 2026 will be the year I allow myself to write without forcing thought. I refuse to judge myself when I can’t think critically, and I refuse to put down the pen when I want to write about the mundane.
Writing is an art without boundaries.
Ragne's Abyss 